A reader from Albuquerque, N.M., asks, "What is this 'six-point plan' you wrote about several weeks ago?"
Well it's my practical, tried-and-true prescription for successful parenthood.
Here it is in brief:
Point One: Pay more attention to your marriage than you pay to your children. In other words, put first things first and keep them there, where they belong and are more likely to last. If you're a single parent, this translates: Pay slightly more attention to yourself than you do your children. You can't supply someone else's "warehouse" unless your own is fully stocked.
Point Two: Expect your children to obey. Stop apologizing for the decisions you make in their lives. Get back in touch with the power of the phrase, "Because I said so." Stop trying to convince your children that your decisions are for their own good. Have they ever truly listened? Have they ever, despite all the eloquence you could muster, agreed? Essential to a child's sense of security are parents who are authoritative, decisive and trustworthy -- in a word, powerful. So get with it, parents. Your children are counting on you.
Point Three: Mobilize your children's participation in the family by expecting and enabling them from an early age to make regular, tangible contributions to the family in the only form possible: chores. And along with making them responsible members of the family, make them responsible for their own behavior. Stop running after the bus, stop tying their shoes, stop trying to keep them from falling flat on their faces. Give them the golden opportunity to learn "the hard way" -- as in from their mistakes -- which is often the only way possible.
Point Four: Give your children regular and realistic doses of Vitamin N ("no"). Sufficient exposure to frustration not only helps prepare a child for the realities of adulthood but also gradually instills a tolerance for frustration. This tolerance enables children to persevere in the face of adversity, and perseverance, as we all know, is the key ingredient in every success story. Stop thinking that your first obligation is to keep your children happy. It isn't. Your first obligation is to endow them with the skills they'll need to pursue happiness on their own. Frustrate your children for success.
Point Five: Where toys are concerned, less is more. And the more things any one toy can be, the better. Too many toys, and especially too many of the wrong kinds, can stifle creativity and resourcefulness. When children tell us they're bored, they're probably trying to tell us they've been given too much too soon.
Point Six: Don't be misled by the accolades given certain children's TV programs. Remember, there's more going on then meets the eye when a child watches television, any television. Give your children one of the most precious gifts of opportunity possible in this age of high-technology for the sake of high-technology: growing years that aren't constantly sidetracked by the flicker of the plug-in drug.
Point Seven: What's this? Point Seven? I know I said there were only six. Nevertheless, I can't end without mentioning the seventh, and perhaps the most important, point of fall, which is: Love your children enough to do the first six.