You can eliminate wordiness in your writing if . . .

• you mark sections of your writing that you struggled to produce. If you had a hard time getting your ideas down on paper, chances are you included some "false starts" or filler phrases in your writing, something like the "ahems," "uhs," and "okays" that occur when we're speaking and formulating our ideas at the same time. This is natural. Don't worry about fillers when you're writing. But after you're done with your draft, read through your paper, focusing only on eliminating unnecessary language. Pay particular attention to sections you struggled to write.

• before editing, you give yourself a breather. Even if you just get yourself a cup of coffee or work on something else for a while, getting away from your paper will help give you the distance you'll need to see what language is needed and what's not.

• you learn what wordiness patterns are typical of your writing. Most people tend to fall into two or three patterns of wordiness when they write. Learn what your patterns are, and edit with those patterns in mind.

Patterns of Wordiness

As you read the following list, consider which patterns are typical of your writing:
 

• Omit the filler phrases "it is," "there is," and "there are" at the beginning of sentences.

                 It is expensive to upgrade computer systems.

            Concise

                Upgrading computer systems is expensive.
 
 

• Omit "this" from the beginning of a sentence by joining it to the preceding sentence with a comma.

                Chlorofluorocarbons have been banned from aerosols. This has lessened the ozone layer's depletion.

            Concise

                Chlorofluorocarbons have been banned from aerosols, lessening the ozone layer's depletion.
 
 

• Change "which" or "that" constructions to an "-ing" word.

                The committee, which meets monthly, oversees accounting procedures and audits.

            Concise

                The committee, meeting monthly, oversees accounting procedures and audits.
 
 

• Omit "which" or "that" when possible.

                Because the fluid, which was brown and poisonous, was dumped into the river, the company that was negligent had  to shut down.

            Concise

                Because the brown, poisonous fluid was dumped into the river, the negligent company had to shut down.
 
 

• Replace passive verbs with active verbs. In passive constructions, the subject of the sentence is being acted upon; in active constructions, the subject is the actor.

                Rain forests are being destroyed by uncontrolled logging.

            Concise

                Uncontrolled logging is destroying rain forests.
 
 

• Change "is" or "was" when they occur alone to a strong verb.

                A new fire curtain is necessary for the stage.

            Concise

                The stage needs a new fire curtain.
 
 

• Replace "is," "are," "was," "were," or "have + an -ing word" to a simple present or past tense verb.

                The South African government was undergoing significant changes.

            Concise

                The South African government underwent significant changes.
 
 

• Replace "should," "would," or "could" with strong verbs.

                The environmental council could see several solutions.

            Concise

                The environmental council saw several solutions.
 
 

• Substitute strong verbs for "-tion" and "-sion" words whenever possible.

                I submitted an application for the job.

            Concise

                I applied for the job.
 
 

• Replace prepositional phrases with one-word modifiers when possible. Prepositional phrases, those little relationship words like "of," "from," "after," etc., tend to bring in a lot of "-tion" and "-sion" words too.

                The President of the Student Senate was in charge of the lobbying against the merger at the Minnesota Congress.

            Concise

                The Student Senate President oversaw lobbying the Minnesota Congress against the merger.
 
 

• Use a colon after a statement preceding a sentence of explanation, and leave out the beginning of the next sentence.

                The theater has three main technical areas. These areas are costumes, scenery, and lighting.

            Concise

                The theater has three main technical areas: costumes, scenery, and lighting.
 
 

• Combine two closely related short sentences by omitting part of one.

                The director is concerned about problems. Typical problems may occur with lighting, sound, and props.

            Concise

                The director is concerned about typical problems with lighting, sound, and props.
 

This handout was written by Judith Kilborn for the Write Place, St. Cloud State University and may be copied for educational purposes only. If you copy this document, please include our copyright notice and the name of the writer; if you revise it, please add your name to the list of writers.

URL: http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/style/wordiness.html

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